Tuesday, 23 December 2014

Sexual Satisfaction: Quantity vs. Quality

First of all I want to apologise for my disappearing act; it was due to unforeseen circumstances. 
Today we'll be talking about the frequency of sex and it's importance in a relationship.

How often do people have sex? How about married people, single people, or people of certain age groups?

You’ve probably discussed with your friends about how great their sex lives are and how they have regular and unbelievable sex with their partners. And it’s human nature to wonder how your sex life compares.

Today, we’ll take a look at the quantity vs. quality dynamic in human sexuality.

It’s important to remember that sexual frequency varies over the lifespan of the person and the relationship. Couples at the beginning of a relationship may have sex more often than those whose relationship is more established. Older people may have sex less frequently than their younger counterparts.

Remember, too, that “sex” may be defined in many ways. For some, it’s intercourse. For others, activities like oral sex, genital stimulation, caressing, kissing, and cuddling are sexual activities, too, and count as “having sex.”

When people compare themselves to others, they run the risk of feeling inadequate. If everyone else is having more sex than they are, is there something wrong? Are they missing out on something?

Not necessarily. If both partners are happy with their sexual frequency, if their activities satisfy them, then there is no need to worry about what others are doing.

Now let's talk about quality

After having sex with your partner, how do you feel? Satisfied? Connected?

Do you feel like something is missing? Could something be better?

If you’re not feeling satisfied, here are a couple of things to consider:

  • Communication. Couples don’t always talk about their sexual relationships. They may have been having sex for years without a single conversation about it. Granted, it’s sometimes awkward, but being open about what pleases you – or doesn’t – can make sex more enjoyable for you both. Perhaps one partner is too tired to have sex at night after a long day's work. Would morning sex be better? Would oral sex be preferable or more exciting? Have fun with the conversation. What fantasies might you share? The discussion may lead to some explorations that bring you closer together as a couple.
  • Compromise. Within this discussion, there’s a chance one partner might want something the other doesn’t. This may be a change in frequency: one partner’s libido may be higher than the other’s. It could be trying new activities, such as oral sex or using sex toys. Yes we live in a conservative society, but you must be candid about what appeals to you. Also be willing to compromise if your partner is not on board with your suggestion. This applies in reverse, too. If your partner suggests something you’re not keen about, state your feelings, but see if there’s a something similar that will satisfy you both. Be gentle and caring. If your partner suggests something you don’t want, don’t dismiss it negatively. He or she mustered up some courage to mention it, a sign that he or she trusts you. Keep that trust strong.

What do you think? Is sexual frequency important to you? Do you find yourself comparing your situation to others? How have you and your partner improved the quality of your sexual relationship? Feel free to tell us in the comments.

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